The key to a happy day

Hearing every second person going “Yes Scott but do you know what it’s like to have depression?” Is annoying. Who doesn’t have depression these days, I mean seriously. So here is JocksRule’s key to a happy life n’ shit.

1. Have nice bed sheets. Minimum 300 thread count pure cotton, preferably cotton sateen. You spend 1/3rd of a day in bed, so why not make it as yummy as possible. Pearl colour is pretty nice. Who would be unhappy when they live in a bedroom which looks somewhere between a hotel room and the set of a cheap porno. Having bedsheets under a thread count of 300 is for peasants.

2. Good shower head. Days can be ruined by the water not coming out fast enough. Lots of depression could probably be avoided if the neggo person in question had a shower head with many holes in it that shoot a wide and steady stream of water. Water shaving shower heads from my experience are pretty shit, so fuck them off. Your mental health is more important than a few extra litres of water in the Warragamba Dam.

3. Have at least one member of your house of the same gender be less good looking than you. For me this comes naturally if I live with other males I guess. But having a living reminder that you’re pretty hot and genetically blessed compared to some will go a long long way.

4. Perform nightly immature and evil pranks. Short term solutions to what’s dwelling inside of you and making you hurt is the pain relief drug of the mind. Things like pissing on your neighbour’s vegie garden at night so that after a few times the vegetables begin to die, or stealing all their left shoes from their door step so that when they begin their dy in he morning all ready for work, their ay is instantly ruined when they have no shoes to wear- will work beautifully in curing anything that may have you down that day. The happiness they formerly had thus transforms on to you.

5. There is no 5 , sorry xoxo